You have so much to learn about reality. In a society where people incessantly judge others according to appearance, beliefs and behaviors, I feel it necessary to stage an intervention with you regarding your bizarre eating habits. You see, in the real world, Mom cannot oversee the segregation of your peas and grilled chicken to ensure the lack of sharing of foreign juices or flavors. I predict that these eating habits will prove themselves as not only a hindrance to your desperate taste buds, but also to your social acceptance. First let's address the most disturbing Katie vs. food conflict: pizza. As sketchy as the ambiguity of the contents under the cheese may seem, I promise that this problem does not, in fact, justify your habit of scraping off the cheese. I foresee many unforgiving glares at birthday parties and more importantly, a ton of perfectly greased cheese going to waste. On to the next one: your defiance to drinking milk sans chocolate syrup. What do you plan on doing when the mother of your best friend hands you a tall glass of white milk at breakfast after your sleepover? Spoiler alert: Plugging your nose while consuming something you consider unpalatable is only socially acceptable for so long. I suggest that you acquire the taste for white milk to improve this reaction. Also, I can divulge that breakfast eating took a 180 after experiencing cereal with milk for the first time. Another reason to take the plunge into drinking white milk transpires as the fact that in a few short months, you will notice a change in the taste of your favorite chocolate milk beverage. That change serves as Mom's way of forcing vitamins down your throat the only way possible: via Pediasure, the drink that pretends to be chocolate milk. This leads me to my next bone to pick with your abnormal eating habits. The first time you will choke down a pill successfully will not take place until freshman year, so I would start practicing if you wish to nip Mom's Pediasure antics in the bud. Lastly, I think I speak on behalf of the entire nation when I express the offense caused by your lack of patriotism when you request a hamburger in place of a traditional Thanksgiving dinner. Forget that gravy consists of turkey giblets. Forget that the consistency of mashed potatoes reminds you of something I'd rather not put into text. And forget that the turkey must first be stripped of its insides before cooking and eating. If you let your taste buds override your conscience for just this night, I promise that you won't regret it. I prophesize that upon applying these changes to your life, you will acquire a more adventurous appetite, opening your mind to foods outside of your previously miniscule dietary comfort zone.
Sincerely,
The future food connoisseur, Katie
I also had strange eating habits as a child. To start, I would put black olives on all ten of my fingers and proceed to eat them all as quickly as possible. I recall doing this to show off to my neighbor friends at block parties. Also, like you, I peeled the layer of cheese off of pizza as a young child. Sadly, I still do this, and my brothers make fun of me (as they did when I was young), saying that I am "eating sauce on pizza".
ReplyDeleteIt may (probably may not) surprise you that I was and still am today a picky eater. I suppose one day I did eat like a normal human being, but I do not remember that day. From the age of two to the age of twelve, I would only eat the red fruits, a few dairy products, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Although I still do not eat a very diverse diet, I have widened my palate. I now eat a few pasta and rice dishes and salads. So, if I could, I would go back to my two-year-old self and tell her to stop complaining and just eat what her parents put in front of her.
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